Posted on by sunandsea9

I’m Good, bye.

You hurt me. Whether you meant to do it or not, you still did. And the unanswered messages and silent nights overwhelmed me when I wondered why you decided to push me away, to cut me out. It seemed unfair… It still does. I didn’t deserved that. You could have just said goodbye for good, if that’s what you wanted.

Not treated right. It felt like I wasn’t good enough, making it seem I was never part of your life. I don’t know what reality I was living in, thinking you actually cared for me, in some way. But your actions have shown me that I still meant nothing to you though you meant so much to me. It’s okay.

I still miss you with the same intensity that I care about you (I won’t say love because you don’t deserve to hear those words from me). Sometimes it’s still hard to breath when I hear your name, feels like a punch to the stomach that slowly creeps up into my heart and makes it bleed. But I’ll be alright, eventually.

Right now my heart still has eyes for you and refuses to look at anyone else in that way. So I’ve decided to start looking into the mirror and love myself more instead. You could say I’ve gotten better while it still hurts. I haven’t really stopped thinking about you every day, some days more than others. And I still pray that you’re doing well, that you don’t forget people love you and that you’re not alone. And when I’m having a bad day, I beg God to let you have a much better one. Yes, I pray because I still care and I do hope only the best for you.

But I had stop trying to reach out in order to keep my sanity. In the end, effort goes both ways and I exceeded mine. I miss you, but you clearly don’t miss me. I wish you the best, and though my heart longs for you, it’s time for me to say ‘Goodbye’. Stay well, and I hope someday you allow yourself to be happy.

Goodbye, my friend.

∼ ¤Sunny¤

Posted on by sunandsea9

Blue Curtains

Behind blue curtains lies a sailor that misses his mom,
A sailor who hasn’t seen her son in months.
Behind blue curtains lies a broken hearted husband,
A woman who just lost her father and couldn’t say goodbye,
An apprentice who feels frustrated
And a specialist that’s fighting depression.
Behind blue curtains lies a sailor who’s mom has forgotten her face due to illness.

There lingers that lost in space feeling,
Like floating numb into the abyss.
Feeling surprisingly different every day, not necessarily in the good way.
Behind blue curtains there are bursts of empathy, rage and sadness, all at the same time
And it doesn’t makes sense. It doesn’t makes sense at all.
Behind blue curtains there’s a sailor that wants to give up but keeps on fighting
Who keeps it all in and silently hates it
And cries hopelessly into the darkness.

Behind blue curtains the “Was it a good decision to leave for this” question arises
And “Would it really be worth it in the end?” pops in too.
Behind blue curtains it is remembered someone talked about sacrifice once
But failed to mentioned it might feel like a part of yourself is dying every day.
Truth is they didn’t forecast that behind blue curtains would lie a sailor who’s no longer the same person it was yesterday.