Posted on by sunandsea9

The Other Side

It was evergreen valleys where I used to roam free.
Where I sang my song, a song about you.
Where I saw my children grow, our children grow.

But suddenly I don’t see it anymore.
I am in an empty, cold steel box
Floating away, away from you.

A heavy heart, a sad soul and a broken promise
Of soulmates who met and,
Though they finally met each other,
Had to part ways.

Where the valley ends, begins a mountain
That makes me wonder
Am I still free to roam it too?
Can I still sing my song about you?
Will I be able to watch my children grow, our children grow?

I’m yet to see the valley that lies behind this mountain.
I’m willing to complete this journey.
But all I can think about right now is
Will you still be there, on the other side, waiting for me?

¤Sunny¤

Posted on by sunandsea9

Over Thinker

For an over thinker like me life consists of constantly questioning my purpose, other people intentions and different meanings to one simple word. It is not as easy to turn off my brain, ignore a situation or dismiss some feelings.

I overthink my worth, my goodness, and most of all, the reasons why someone else chose to love me. It is a little bit more than just insecurities emerging at crucial moments, it is feeling like I’m gasping for air while still being underwater.

I may come off as a needy person, and at some point that might be true. It is the constant need of reassurance and loving support that makes me stay in a sane state of mind and driven with a purpose; since even the slightest event or word can trigger my mind escalating into an episode where I question even my birth given name.

To that, add the feeling of guilt and I’m done. When feeling I’m an inconvenience and a bother to my loved ones can’t be helped, especially when they don’t yet understand what this feels like. Its not something that can be easily controlled, for it takes a lot of mind and emotional strength. But sometimes I’m just too exhausted to even see it coming and stoping it.

Who’s willing to stand beside me when I’m about to break down? Who’s actually there when I break down? Most of the time, an over thinker like me finds herself alone in a bar, crying her eyes out, wondering if I am even worthy of having a name.

¤ Sunny ¤

Posted on by sunandsea9

A peak into the heart

“I feel lonely.”
There! I finally said it!
Like there’s something wrong with saying those words…

Fear.
But fear of what?
Vulnerability? Weakness? Exposure?

No.
What I’m afraid of is feelings;
acknowledging their presence.

Realizing I have them.
*Shudders*
Realizing I have them for you…

Ugh!
This is why I never, ever use those words!
Because they open the door for more.

For more words, like “I miss you”,
“I want to see you”.
And finally “I love you”.

And all that will only end with the words I fear the most,
“It’s over”.
Or worse…
“I love you too”.

¤ Sunny ¤

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What do you do?

You can try your best to keep on going. But what do you do if your heart’s been stolen?

What do you then? When you no longer know what to believe. Where truth and lies are an indecipherable blur? When you realize you’re frozen and unable to move.

What do you do then? When the only one who can save you, doesn’t realize you need saving or worse, doesn’t want to.

What do you do?

¤ Sunny ¤

Posted on by sunandsea9

Rain

Watching the rain fall on a dark night, knowing I’ll never see your beautiful face again.  “It won’t be the same, but it’ll be okay. Oh, it’ll be okay”, I keep saying that to myself.

But that’s just it, I don’t want to accept it.
I don’t like this change, I don’t like it at all.

I just want to keep seeing your face every day and every night. And, if the rain falls, have you by my side for the rest of my life.

“Please, don’t leave”, I begged you to stay. “Don’t leave”.
But you did.
And it’s been raining ever since.

…
Time has passed. And as I watch and feel the rain fall again, every night seems lighter and I accept I’ll never see your face again. It won’t be the same, but it’ll be okay.
It has to be okay.

Because, even though you left, the rain didn’t.
And rain makes everything better.

¤ Sunny ¤

Posted on by sunandsea9

Willing Smile

Behind her willing smile dwelled a sadness deeper than the ocean, filled with the tears she had poured over the years of unspoken words and kept feelings. She thought a taken risk will break her heart, but she never realized it was, in fact, a broken heart what she had for never trying.

¤ Sunny ¤

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Home

I don’t think I’ve ever told you this
But I found home with you.

And I was supposed to be the one leaving
Still, you left me before I was actually gone.

Seems love has never been the problem,
Giving into fear is.

I’ve never felt so scared and alone
I feel homeless and abandoned now.

I miss my lover and best friend
My heart is broken and the pain is sharp

Everything hurts and I can’t do anything about it
I still cry every night and pills don’t help at all.

I can’t remember what a steady full sleep feels like
I have dark circles under my eyes and bruises throughout my body.

Food doesn’t taste the same, and I’ve already lost too much weight
Why does it have to hurt so much?

Maybe I’m destined to be alone
I’m the one everyone leaves behind.

Am I not worthy enough for people who love me to stay and fight for me?

Yet I’m still planning on coming back home to you
Will you still be here when I come back?

Will you still be my home?

¤ Sunny ¤

Posted on by sunandsea9

To the one I’ll never forget

I can feel the Sun. Butterflies flying inside of me. White clouds filling the bright blue sky above me.

The flavor of your lips is unique and unforgettable, making me want to stay in silent if it means tasting them forever.

The sound of your voice whispered into my ears makes me tremble, not of fear but of excitement by having you so close to me.

Your arms wrapped around me keeps me together like a whole entity, which will fall apart if you weren’t here.

Your eyes see right through me and into me. I am no longer invisible nor ignored.

Your smile brightens my darkness and I don’t live in fear anymore.

Your touch makes me realize I am alive. And for all of that and much more:

I love you.

You will always have a part of my heart that no one else will.

And if you ever have to leave and I never hear from you again, know that you made me feel young, beautiful and proud of being who I am, the real me.

The one I finally met, when I met you.

¤ Sunny ¤

PS: Never apologize for being who you are.