Posted on by sunandsea9

A late love

You close your eyes and you see him. You remember clearly how it feels to have his arms around you, making time stop and fly by at the same time. There was never enough time together to not make you miss him. You can hear him laugh at your funny comment while he calls you stupid, in the good way. He makes you chuckle every time he claims he’s perfect. “Obviously”. And every single time he calls you beautiful your face turns red from blushing as your heart skips a beat or two whenever he holds your hand.

He promised he would never make you cry, yet he is the reason you haven’t stopped feeling sad. He says he’s always going to be there for you, but you are the one that lays alone in bed every night. His warmth is gone, but you can still feel him holding you. He whispers he loves you and kisses you. You can’t deny you love him too, and miss him almost as much as you love him.

How do you know it was real? You are certain it all happened the way you remember. Memories can be altered and feelings can be fabricated, but you cannot fake your love for him. A late love, the crazy kind that makes sense and none at all altogether. The one you where you just want to see him to talk to about your day and how everything went, or to just sit together in silent company. It could have been the one you grow old with.

You open your eyes, and you mourn once more as you have before. It is not a big deal- you tell yourself- you knew this is how it was going to end. But why does it feel like your heart is gone. You really want to use the word broken but that is such a cliché. Undeniably, there is a hole in your chest, cliché or not, and all you keep asking yourself is the same question all over again. Was it real? You wish it wasn’t, but you already know the answer. No matter how many times you think about it, this heartache is too painful and that is as real as it can get.

∼ ¤Sunny¤

Posted on by sunandsea9

Between heart and mind

It is only about time you realize that fairy tales do not exist, that not everyone is good at heart and that he will never love you. Because like everything else in your life, no one really cares the way you do.

Everyday you say you’re gonna stop, but you don’t. And that’s why you are so tired. That’s why I’m exhausted.

Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Why do you keep doing this to me? I cannot endure it anymore. And I have told you a thousand times but you keep insisting, pushing; all for nothing.

Don’t you see? Even after everything he still does not see you. Not because he can’t, but because he doesn’t want to. That makes it so much harder on us. I don’t think I can go on like this. We battle every day, finally agreeing on the same yet when it comes to action you cannot force your hand and I cannot force mine.

What is wrong with us? When I want to give up, you don’t; when you want to call it quits, I push. Even when we both want the same, we cannot get it. Maybe we are the problem and not him. Because even when we agree we cannot act accordingly.

I mean, he told you not to fall for him. I told you not to fall for him. You agreed.

But like always, you went behind my back and did it anyway. By the time I found out, it was too late. And here we are: both hurting over someone who doesn’t want to see us; loving someone who doesn’t truly deserve us but that we feel needs us. We are well known for that hero complex, aren’t we?

The same complex that developed over time by being fed all the delusional crap we’ve read in books and seen on movies. We always tend to forget that does not happen in real life, or at least not in ours.

But I’ll stop when you do… Do you really want to? I do too.

But rest assured you are lying to me as I am lying to you. We know it is only a matter of time until we find each other having this conversation all over again.

“I am strong, but I am also tired. A deep breath fills my lungs every few seconds so my feet can keep moving forward on a road that, I can only hope, leads me straight to you.” – ¤SUNNY¤

(Sept. 18, 2019)

Posted on by sunandsea9

Some type of Love life

You currently do not have a love life, unless you count being in love with an idiot who doesn’t realize how much you love him and all he means to you a love life…

Every time you see a friends relationship go down the drains is like your heart breaks a little and you feel a little bit of pain. They tend to move on to the next person rather quickly and you can’t understand how they do it. How do they move on so fast onto the next person when used to say they loved the person they were with before? And that might work for them but not for you.

For you, loving someone doesn’t come or goes away lightly. If anyone ever really felt love as you do: a deep connection to someone you can be yourself and see a future with, someone you look forward to share all your life with. Someone you can’t take out of your mind even if you’re mad at them, and that you wish and pray is having a good day even if you’re having a really bad one. Someone you’re willing to go to the end of the Earth to make them happy and help them achieve their biggest dream and success. That kind of love, which is the only one you’ve felt, it is not easily broken or easy to part with.

You may barely have a love life and he may never come to realize it, but your love is real. Your love is wanting him to be happy, as happy as he can be, even if it means not ending up with you.

¤SUNNY¤

Posted on by sunandsea9 · 1 Comment

No way out

There’s no way out of this misery.

When you feel like your heart’s been ripped out and you were left to die out in the darkest alley of the world.

There will be no lights to guide you this time. You’ve reached your end and there’s no way out.

¤SUNNY¤

Posted on by sunandsea9

New you: Lost Game (Day 6 of 6)

You thought you were a new you, but you keep doing it; it turns out you’re the same old one.

Losing and parting ways before absence takes place, while they are still here.

There’s that deafening silence that pierces through and reaches your soul.

But you swallow your heart and shut your senses to what feels real.

Turns out you lost.

¤SUNNY¤

Posted on by sunandsea9

You’ll survive

-“How do you survive a broken heart?”, she asked.

-“You pick yourself up and look forward.

And eventually you’ll realize it.”, he said.

-“Realize what?”, she questioned, this time fighting the tears in her eyes.

-“You’ll either realize that you never really loved them or that you lost an unforgettable kind of love. The kind that, even after healing and finding someone new to love, still leaves a small void that would never be filled by anyone else, only them.

How do you survive a broken heart? You keep on living and with time your hurt will be replaced by numbness, and that numbness will either disappear or never go away. You’ll survive, but you will never be the same”, he finalized as she started to walk away.

¤SUNNY¤

Posted on by sunandsea9

New you: It’s okay (Day 2 of 6)

It’s okay…

It’s okay to like someone and not being liked back. It’s okay to love fully without a shadow of a doubt even if you’re not reciprocated. It’s okay that life and love is about taking chances and leaps of faith. It’s okay to just enjoy that feeling while it lasts.

Because after all, you can still always smile. You can dance even if there’s no music playing. You can breathe and take in all the air you need. And, best of all, you can write freely.

It’s okay and we both know there is no better feeling in the world than pouring your heart and mind into a thousands words. It doesn’t have to be fancy, it doesn’t have to be pretty or right, it just has to be you.

It’s okay to be that silly, clumsy, honest, happy, full of life and hopelessly romantic you.

Being you it’s always okay.

¤Sunny¤

Posted on by sunandsea9

To the one I’ll never forget

I can feel the Sun. Butterflies flying inside of me. White clouds filling the bright blue sky above me.

The flavor of your lips is unique and unforgettable, making me want to stay in silent if it means tasting them forever.

The sound of your voice whispered into my ears makes me tremble, not of fear but of excitement by having you so close to me.

Your arms wrapped around me keeps me together like a whole entity, which will fall apart if you weren’t here.

Your eyes see right through me and into me. I am no longer invisible nor ignored.

Your smile brightens my darkness and I don’t live in fear anymore.

Your touch makes me realize I am alive. And for all of that and much more:

I love you.

You will always have a part of my heart that no one else will.

And if you ever have to leave and I never hear from you again, know that you made me feel young, beautiful and proud of being who I am, the real me.

The one I finally met, when I met you.

¤ Sunny ¤

PS: Never apologize for being who you are.