Posted on by sunandsea9

A late love

You close your eyes and you see him. You remember clearly how it feels to have his arms around you, making time stop and fly by at the same time. There was never enough time together to not make you miss him. You can hear him laugh at your funny comment while he calls you stupid, in the good way. He makes you chuckle every time he claims he’s perfect. “Obviously”. And every single time he calls you beautiful your face turns red from blushing as your heart skips a beat or two whenever he holds your hand.

He promised he would never make you cry, yet he is the reason you haven’t stopped feeling sad. He says he’s always going to be there for you, but you are the one that lays alone in bed every night. His warmth is gone, but you can still feel him holding you. He whispers he loves you and kisses you. You can’t deny you love him too, and miss him almost as much as you love him.

How do you know it was real? You are certain it all happened the way you remember. Memories can be altered and feelings can be fabricated, but you cannot fake your love for him. A late love, the crazy kind that makes sense and none at all altogether. The one you where you just want to see him to talk to about your day and how everything went, or to just sit together in silent company. It could have been the one you grow old with.

You open your eyes, and you mourn once more as you have before. It is not a big deal- you tell yourself- you knew this is how it was going to end. But why does it feel like your heart is gone. You really want to use the word broken but that is such a cliché. Undeniably, there is a hole in your chest, cliché or not, and all you keep asking yourself is the same question all over again. Was it real? You wish it wasn’t, but you already know the answer. No matter how many times you think about it, this heartache is too painful and that is as real as it can get.

∼ ¤Sunny¤

Posted on by sunandsea9

Between heart and mind

It is only about time you realize that fairy tales do not exist, that not everyone is good at heart and that he will never love you. Because like everything else in your life, no one really cares the way you do.

Everyday you say you’re gonna stop, but you don’t. And that’s why you are so tired. That’s why I’m exhausted.

Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Why do you keep doing this to me? I cannot endure it anymore. And I have told you a thousand times but you keep insisting, pushing; all for nothing.

Don’t you see? Even after everything he still does not see you. Not because he can’t, but because he doesn’t want to. That makes it so much harder on us. I don’t think I can go on like this. We battle every day, finally agreeing on the same yet when it comes to action you cannot force your hand and I cannot force mine.

What is wrong with us? When I want to give up, you don’t; when you want to call it quits, I push. Even when we both want the same, we cannot get it. Maybe we are the problem and not him. Because even when we agree we cannot act accordingly.

I mean, he told you not to fall for him. I told you not to fall for him. You agreed.

But like always, you went behind my back and did it anyway. By the time I found out, it was too late. And here we are: both hurting over someone who doesn’t want to see us; loving someone who doesn’t truly deserve us but that we feel needs us. We are well known for that hero complex, aren’t we?

The same complex that developed over time by being fed all the delusional crap we’ve read in books and seen on movies. We always tend to forget that does not happen in real life, or at least not in ours.

But I’ll stop when you do… Do you really want to? I do too.

But rest assured you are lying to me as I am lying to you. We know it is only a matter of time until we find each other having this conversation all over again.

Posted on by sunandsea9

New you: “I am a mess” (Day 4 of 6)

You used to be strong and relentless.

You used to not show any pain.

What happened to you?

When did you change so much?

Why is your soul so broken?

It’s like your heart and brain are out of tune.

“I am a mess”, you say to the mirror in front of you.

And you are right. You are damaged goods.

But you are not the only one.

You just need time. And you need peace.

All you really need is time to heal.

¤SUNNY¤

Posted on by sunandsea9

Rain

Watching the rain fall on a dark night, knowing I’ll never see your beautiful face again.  “It won’t be the same, but it’ll be okay. Oh, it’ll be okay”, I keep saying that to myself.

But that’s just it, I don’t want to accept it.
I don’t like this change, I don’t like it at all.

I just want to keep seeing your face every day and every night. And, if the rain falls, have you by my side for the rest of my life.

“Please, don’t leave”, I begged you to stay. “Don’t leave”.
But you did.
And it’s been raining ever since.

…
Time has passed. And as I watch and feel the rain fall again, every night seems lighter and I accept I’ll never see your face again. It won’t be the same, but it’ll be okay.
It has to be okay.

Because, even though you left, the rain didn’t.
And rain makes everything better.

¤ Sunny ¤