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Invisible (Day 5 of 6)

When you were a little girl, you imagined invisibility was your greatest superpower. You’d hide around the house, sneaking up on your mom while she pretended she couldn’t see you. You’d believe it and felt like the most powerful being on the world. You always thought how amazing it would be to just be invisible to other people and walk amongst them without being noticed. It was all fun and games.

But you grew up and now it’s not so fun anymore. Because of all the people that you would want to be invisible to, he is not one of them. Yet he acts like you’re no longer there. No words are directed at you and he doesn’t look at you anymore. It’s like all of a sudden you’d ceased to exist and he can’t (doesn’t want to) see you ever again.

When you were little you’d never thought being invisible would cause you pain and hurt and so, oh so much sadness.

When you were a little girl, you imagined invisibility was your greatest superpower until you got tired and stopped pretending. But this time you cannot stop pretending, because he’s the one that gave you that “superpower”. And though you no longer want to be invisible to him, it’s not up to you anymore. And it doesn’t seem you’ll stop being invisible any time soon and that really hurts.

¤SUNNY¤

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You’ll survive

-“How do you survive a broken heart?”, she asked.

-“You pick yourself up and look forward.

And eventually you’ll realize it.”, he said.

-“Realize what?”, she questioned, this time fighting the tears in her eyes.

-“You’ll either realize that you never really loved them or that you lost an unforgettable kind of love. The kind that, even after healing and finding someone new to love, still leaves a small void that would never be filled by anyone else, only them.

How do you survive a broken heart? You keep on living and with time your hurt will be replaced by numbness, and that numbness will either disappear or never go away. You’ll survive, but you will never be the same”, he finalized as she started to walk away.

¤SUNNY¤

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New you: “I am a mess” (Day 4 of 6)

You used to be strong and relentless.

You used to not show any pain.

What happened to you?

When did you change so much?

Why is your soul so broken?

It’s like your heart and brain are out of tune.

“I am a mess”, you say to the mirror in front of you.

And you are right. You are damaged goods.

But you are not the only one.

You just need time. And you need peace.

All you really need is time to heal.

¤SUNNY¤

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New you: It’s okay (Day 2 of 6)

It’s okay…

It’s okay to like someone and not being liked back. It’s okay to love fully without a shadow of a doubt even if you’re not reciprocated. It’s okay that life and love is about taking chances and leaps of faith. It’s okay to just enjoy that feeling while it lasts.

Because after all, you can still always smile. You can dance even if there’s no music playing. You can breathe and take in all the air you need. And, best of all, you can write freely.

It’s okay and we both know there is no better feeling in the world than pouring your heart and mind into a thousands words. It doesn’t have to be fancy, it doesn’t have to be pretty or right, it just has to be you.

It’s okay to be that silly, clumsy, honest, happy, full of life and hopelessly romantic you.

Being you it’s always okay.

¤Sunny¤

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A peak into the heart

“I feel lonely.”
There! I finally said it!
Like there’s something wrong with saying those words…

Fear.
But fear of what?
Vulnerability? Weakness? Exposure?

No.
What I’m afraid of is feelings;
acknowledging their presence.

Realizing I have them.
*Shudders*
Realizing I have them for you…

Ugh!
This is why I never, ever use those words!
Because they open the door for more.

For more words, like “I miss you”,
“I want to see you”.
And finally “I love you”.

And all that will only end with the words I fear the most,
“It’s over”.
Or worse…
“I love you too”.

¤ Sunny ¤

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Willing Smile

Behind her willing smile dwelled a sadness deeper than the ocean, filled with the tears she had poured over the years of unspoken words and kept feelings. She thought a taken risk will break her heart, but she never realized it was, in fact, a broken heart what she had for never trying.

¤ Sunny ¤

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Home

I don’t think I’ve ever told you this
But I found home with you.

And I was supposed to be the one leaving
Still, you left me before I was actually gone.

Seems love has never been the problem,
Giving into fear is.

I’ve never felt so scared and alone
I feel homeless and abandoned now.

I miss my lover and best friend
My heart is broken and the pain is sharp

Everything hurts and I can’t do anything about it
I still cry every night and pills don’t help at all.

I can’t remember what a steady full sleep feels like
I have dark circles under my eyes and bruises throughout my body.

Food doesn’t taste the same, and I’ve already lost too much weight
Why does it have to hurt so much?

Maybe I’m destined to be alone
I’m the one everyone leaves behind.

Am I not worthy enough for people who love me to stay and fight for me?

Yet I’m still planning on coming back home to you
Will you still be here when I come back?

Will you still be my home?

¤ Sunny ¤